Thoughts are a steering wheel

How many thoughts does an average person think each day? It has been said that we have between 50,000 – 70,000 thoughts per day. Which averages to between 35 and 48 thoughts per minute. Even more astounding and according to some research, as many as 98 percent of our thoughts are exactly the same as the day before and 80 percent of our thoughts are negative. 

Negative thoughts are terribly draining. This could be part of the reason why your so exhausted at the end of each day. Thoughts containing words like “never,” “should,” and “can’t,” complaints, whining or thoughts that diminish our own or another’s sense of self-worth deplete the body. This is supported by scientific research but I won’t go into that here. The good news is, if you can recognize a toxic, negative or limiting thought, you can consciously choose to change it.

 A few tips to combat negative thoughts:

1.    Stop thinking in extremes

Life is not always black or white. Sometimes there is a little gray. Everything is not completely this or that. However, negative thinking tends to view bad stuff in the extreme. For example: rather than thinking I’m nervous about this performance, we think things like, I’m terrible, I’m going to mess this up, they are going to hate me.

All or nothing thinking misses out the subtle shades in life. It makes us see the future in terms of dramatic disasters, failures, and catastrophes. Most of life consists of shades of gray.

An important tip to overcoming negative thinking isn't to 'just be positive' all of a sudden, but to look for shades of gray. Instead of thinking " Everyone will hate me after this performance" think" I'm prepared and I'm going to do my best. Not everyone will love my performance but that is to be expected."

2.    Remember the positive

Negative thinking stops people from seeing the positives in life. Magnifying setbacks and minimizing successes leads to de-motivation and unhappiness.

Get into the habit of seeing setbacks as temporary and specific rather than as permanent and universal. We all tend to find what we look for. The positive is there but you have to look for it.

3.     Stop making stuff up and believing it

Imagination is a wonderful gift from God. Looking at an upcoming event in your mind and negatively hypnotizing yourself by vividly imagining the worst is a bad idea and your likely to get just what you’ve imagined. Your imagination is there as a tool to be used constructively. By practicing imagining things going well, making it more likely, you'll be calmer in the situation and it will be a much better use of your time..

Stopping negative thinking takes time and effort, and to an extent it's a job that's never done. But using these tips along with a few of your own will help combat the habit of negative thinking. I’d love to hear your tips to combat negative thinking. Please leave your tips and thoughts below.

Adversity!

Adversity? An adverse or unfavorable fortune or fate; a condition marked by misfortune, calamity or distress.

Have you experienced adversity? Sure you have. I’ll admit that I’ve overcome and am currently overcoming adversity. The nature of being a breathing human is that comfort will take a back seat to distress, periods of good health will come to an end, and misfortune will greet you.

The BIG question is, how do you respond to adversity? True character will undoubtedly make an appearance during adversity. Adversity is the mirror that reveals your true character and it reveals what is really at the center of your heart. Anybody can wear a mask to hide the true nature of what is on the inside. This makes it difficult to know, rely on, or trust someone. But this is where pressure, stress, life’s storms, and adversity come into play and show their value. What’s exposed either makes us interesting and more attractive or reveals some inner ugliness!

If you want to experience a life of victory, you must develop endurance to overcome adversity. BUT most importantly you must develop a strong healthy character so that when you face adversity there is no inner ugliness to be revealed. You can be proud of your true character and thus feel free to come from behind the mask that we’ve all come accustomed to wearing.

Here are 4 tips to improve character:

1. Focus on the positives in life. All too often, we dwell on the bad things in life. The troubles, difficulties and challenges. Don’t ignore them, they have to be dealt with, but do not focus on them either. Develop a habit of expressing gratitude. Expressing gratitude leads to more optimism and ultimately can help us keep adversity in perspective.

2. Accept who you are. Appreciate your own values and that which you have. Imagining that the grass is greener somewhere else is a recipe for lifelong unhappiness. Remember that you can only assume how others live. Often our assumptions are miles away from the truth. Therefore, it is better to focus on how you live and who you are.

3. Have patience. Character improvement takes time, dedication and hard work. You must have patience to allow yourself time to improve. An accountability partner can help. Having someone to talk to and help you look at your situation honestly is invaluable. Your partner must be someone you trust and from who you are willing to take criticism. Your partner can encourage you, but most importantly they will likely see a change before you do.

4. Seek the truth. Do not lie to yourself. Delusion will not help you improve. Having a good friend or mentor will help. An individual that you trust and respect to tell you the truth about ugliness in your character.

Your adversity is either in the near future, your currently facing it or recently overcome it. We all experience adversity but what will be revealed during those times of adversity? 

What tips do you have to build character? Leave your tips below. I'd love to continue this conversation with you.

Failure isn't fatal.....GET UP!

Failure! We’ve all experienced it.  It doesn’t feel good. It can actually feel pretty horrible. Trying your hardest to do something important and failing is when it really stings and shakes your confidence. However, failure cannot be avoided unless you totally avoid doing anything at all and I highly recommend against that.

Don't think for a second that you're the only person on the planet to fail. Often we look at the success of others and assume they have everything together when the reality is that they encounter failure just as much as anyone. Some are better at hiding it or overcoming it better than others, but failure is universal.

The important skill to learn from failure is to not wallow in the failure but to GET UP. If the world hasn’t ended then there is still time for you to try again.

Here are few tips to overcome failure:

1.  Don’t let it become who you are.

Failure is something that happens, not who you are. Just because you have failed at something does not mean YOU are a failure. Be sure to keep the lines clear between making mistakes and being someone who only makes mistakes. Our actions may define us, but our failures do not. The actions you take to move past the failure and reach success will define you. Just because you failed today or yesterday does not mean that you will fail the next time that you try.

As an inventor, Thomas Edison made well over 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. During an interview he was asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.” Perfect example of not taking failure personal.

2.  Stop dwelling on it.

Dwelling or even obsessing over your failure will not change the outcome. It actually will do the opposite and intensify the outcome, trapping you in a downward negative emotional spiral. You cannot change the past, but you can take steps to shape your future. The faster you take a positive step forward, the quicker you can leave the draining, controlling thoughts behind.

After Carl Lewis won the gold medal for the long jump in the 1996 Olympic games, he was asked to what he attributed his longevity, having competed for almost 20 years. He said, “Remembering that you have both wins and losses along the way. I don’t take either one too seriously.”

3.  Lose the need for the approval of others.

Often our fear of failure or our inability to get over failure is rooted in our fear of being judged by others or losing the respect of others. We are way to easily influenced by what people say. REMEMBER, this is your life, not theirs. What one person considers to be true about you is not necessarily the truth unless you assimilate it and make it truth. Don’t give too much power to others’ opinions.

After his first audition, Sidney Poitier was asked to stop wasting people’s time. F.W. Woolworth’s boss said he didn’t have enough sense to wait on customers. Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first TV job because someone thought she was “unfit for TV.” Stephen King’s first book, Carrie, was rejected by 30 publishers. Walt Disney was fired from his newspaper job because he “lacked imagination and good ideas.” Winston Churchill failed sixth grade and was considered “a dolt” by his teacher. Jerry Seinfeld was booed off the stage the first time he tried comedy.

I can guarantee that you will not find a success story that is not a story of overcoming failure. The difference between those you consider successful and the average person is that they did not give up. 

So, you’ve experienced failure it is ok. GET UP, dust yourself off and keep it moving.

Michael Jordan said it best: "I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions, I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

Your Problem Isn't Motivation

We’ve all said a time or two or a hundred, that we couldn’t stick with a plan or get something done because we lack motivation. Motivation has been blamed countless time for our constant inaction and procrastination. The thing is motivation will not always be there for you. Sorry to break the news to you but you will not always have an abundance of motivation. This is where the need for discipline comes in.

I’m sure you would agree that most everything that we do daily (work, cook, clean, exercise) is done out of discipline and responsibility and not due to motivation. Frankly, if I relied on motivation to get things done I’d never go to work, the dishes would never be washed and everyone in my house would eat cereal for every meal, every day.

Motivation operates on the erroneous assumption that a certain mental or emotional state is necessary to complete a task. Simply stated it becomes a form of procrastination waiting on a feeling or mood to act.

Discipline, by contrast, separates action from moods and feelings. Eventually the motivation may come BUT most often discipline is what will keep you moving forward to reach your goals. Just think if you had the discipline to do everything you know you should do, even when you did not feel like doing it, how much more successful you would be at achieving your goals.

Here are a few tips to create discipline:

1. Make the commitment.

If you really want to achieve your goals, then you must make the commitment to be disciplined. It’s that simple. Being disciplined isn’t something you have, it is something you do. Discipline every habit in your life. Discipline is developed. It comes one moment at a time. Decide to focus on the commitment that you have made and ignore the mood associated with the activity.

2. Start with the small tasks.

A great way to feed and nurture the habit of being disciplined is to focus on completing small tasks you know you should do such as making your bed before you leave the house, keeping your home or work space clean, keep your car clean, take the garbage out or pick up after yourself. As you discipline yourself to do the small tasks, you will become more disciplined in doing the bigger, more important things.

3.         Follow through.

Make decisions ahead of time and stick to it. If you decide to exercise 3 days a week, then do not allow yourself to talk yourself out of it. If you are going to take on an important project don’t second-guess yourself when the time has come to start. The decision is made -- so follow through.

Without follow through you have no discipline. Here is a warning. Your mind is often your greatest enemy when it comes to following through, it will try and talk you into inactivity. You must win this battle and keep up on all that you have planned to do. I’ll admit starting is often the most difficult part of follow through but if you can just get yourself moving the momentum will keep you going.

If motivation is all we needed to achieve our goals, absolutely nothing would get done for most of us. Discipline is the key and motivation will follow. For example, the results you get from the discipline of exercise and eating healthy are guaranteed to motivate you to continue to exercise and eat healthy.

If any of this has resonated with you or you have thoughts to add please comment below.

Live Fearlessly....

Fear!

I have  resolved that I will no longer live in fear. To live fearlessly is my goal.

Fear can be crippling. If you allow it fear will hold you hostage physically, emotionally and mentally. Fear is the number one barrier to living confidently. It's hold on us stunts our growth and holds us back from success, fulfillment and happiness

We don't always like to admit it but we experience fear every day. We don't do something we want to do because of fear or we do something we don't want to do because of fear. 

The reality is that most fear is unfounded. Fears arise from events or situations that haven't happened or may never happen. They originate from false beliefs and thinking. Ultimately it reinforces mediocrity.

Tips to live fearlessly:

1.      Be HONEST with yourself

The first step in living fearlessly is owning up to and accepting your fear. Often, we don’t even realize how much of our time is spent worrying about something. When you become aware of what the fear is remind yourself that 80% of fears NEVER HAPPEN. By owning your fear, you then have the power to change it.

2.      Be PRESENT.

Fearfulness usually revolves around living in the future. You are afraid of what will or COULD happen and often dwell on that. It is impossible to change or even predict what will happen in the future. However much we plan and hope for, the reality is that we never really know what will happen next. God has a plan for the future. Rest in that and know that it is up to you to live today to the fullest. Live in the present.

3.      Be BOLD

Find those areas in your life where you feel fear. For me, it's a fear of rejection. I'm not entirely sure what 'rejection' I'm afraid of. I think it's about wanting the acceptance and love of others and making sure that I don't do anything to jeopardize that. What have I done to punch that fear square in the nose? Your reading it, I’m writing this blog. This fear will no longer hold me hostage.

What is it for you? Look those fears in the eye, and accept a little discomfort so you can reap the great rewards of stepping out of your comfort zone.

Determine that starting today you will no longer be controlled by fear and you will start living the purpose filled life you were created to live. 

The Joy of Disappointment

This past week I faced a few disappointments. I know I'm not alone. We've all experienced disappointment: difficult relationships, poor job evaluations or test scores, death of a loved one, health challenges, athletic loss and many others.

Living in disappointment can keep you feeling stuck and can lead to doubt, depression and discouragement. In this poor mental state it's easy to get overwhelmed by negative thoughts and emotions.  This has happened to me and I’ve found myself thinking things like:

•   What's wrong with me.....

•   Nothing ever works out.....

•   Why can't I ever do anything right.....

It’s very easy to get caught up in this cycle and continuously get down on yourself. This type of thinking is never helpful. The good news is that disappointment can be helpful. If we let it, disappointment can help clarify personal expectations and pave the way forward towards the attainment of goals.

Here are a few steps to moving past disappointment to continue on to your destination of greatness.

1.      Learn from it.

God gives us lessons and opportunities to learn from your problems and disappointments. If you read the success stories of the people whom you may consider successful. You will discover that they do not wake up successful. They go through a tiring and painful process. The key is that they can cope and get success from their failures and disappointments. They learn from disappointment. They don’t dwell on the disappointment but they view it as a part of their training. A part of their journey forward to reach their goal. You will learn that they are lifelong learners of life.

2.      Let it out.

Yell, scream, cry or talk it out. I personally like to run it out. BUT let it out. I’ve read that dealing with major disappointment can be no different than dealing with grief. You may really feel that you are "in mourning," even if it's over the fact that your book deal didn't work out, or that your boyfriend broke up with you instead of proposing. It's perfectly natural to feel incredibly upset and pained, so acknowledge it and accept your pain. Don't be ashamed to cry or otherwise express your feelings in a safe environment. It’s healthier to let out your emotions than suppressing them.

3.      Be Grateful

While dealing with disappointment the last thing you want to hear is to be grateful. Yes, I know. But the reality is that you have a lot to be thankful for: a nice home, a great family and friends, a promising career, your health, or your favorite pet. You might be so focused on the things that you do not have that you have not had a moment to step back and feel blessed for the things that you do have. Take a moment to count your blessings. Make a list of all of the things you have to be thankful for. You'll see that there is a lot more good in your life than bad. Typically, what you have is more important that whatever disappointment you are facing.

No one wants to experience the anguish of disappointment but it is an unavoidable part of life. If we put it in perspective and accept it as an opportunity for growth we will be well on our way to being the person of greatness we are all destined to be.

If this has helped you or you have other thoughts about overcoming disappointment, I'd love to continue the conversation. Leave your comments below.

Dear Doubt,

Dear Doubt,

You have trapped me in your web way too often. I hate the tight grip you have had of my mind and heart. You SUCK. I refuse to allow you to control me any longer. You've ruined way too many hopes and dreams and it stops now. I know you all too well. You usually appear when I've decided to step out of my comfort zone. Your pull to remain the same is strong but you will not win this time. 

I will defeat you because I've made a decision and have defined my dreams and goals. Yes, I'm fully committed this time. No longer am I just holding my dreams and goals as thoughts. I know if I don't fully commit you will appear and suck the life out of them. I have made a commitment and I'll stand strong on my commitment. No matter how challenging, how fearful, or overwhelming it may seem, I'm going for it!  Why? For no other reason than because I want it and because you will not win this time.

The failure banner that you waive has no more power. I've changed my thinking about failure. If i want to succeed at something new, I know I will experience setbacks, obstacles, and failures along the way. I've redefined failure to see it as an opportunity for growth. No, I don't hope or wish for failure but no longer will I run from it. I'll steady myself and face it head on knowing that overcoming this obstacle will build my tenacity muscle. I've decided that when I experience failure, I will get up, dust myself off, assess the information I gained, revise my course and begin again.

You've so often convinced me to consider the thoughts of others. That ends now. When I spend my time and energy trying to manage other peoples’ perception of me, it's inevitable that I'll  get stuck in an inadequacy loop. There will always be someone who appears to be doing better, getting further or having more. I will not benchmark myself against others’ accomplishments and possessions.

In case you don't know, I've  even successful at other times in my life. Be forewarned that when the uncertainty inevitably hits, instead of dwelling on negatives, I will reflect on what went right and recent achievements -- with each accomplishment being another step along the path toward reaching bigger goals. I will give myself full credit for my prior triumphs and allow them to catapult me forward into new goals and dreams. 

I will surround myself with the right people. No person is an island, as the saying goes. I will keep the people who encourage me close and seek out their feedback on a regular basis. In contrast, I will distance myself from individuals who are always pessimistic.

Finally, I've placed my faith in the Word of God. I will nurture my faith by studying the scriptures and being encouraged by those who have faced doubt but overcame. I will overcome doubt with faith and faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word.

Doubt you have become a heavy burden but I demand that today you "Get Lost!" Your no longer welcome and you've lost all of your power. 

Sincerely, 

Overcomer